Lately God has been teaching me a lot about his provision. Sometimes I let my own pride get in the way and I try so hard to be self-sufficient. I try so hard to take care of things myself without stopping the crazy pace of life to seek God's will on things. If you know me you know I've been going insane job-hunting for a couple of months, nonstop. I had gotten so frustrated (honestly, PRAISE GOD for my loving and encouraging husband.) But on Friday I randomly decided to stop in a store and check if they were hiring...turns out they were doing interviews that weekend, he took my application right then, we went through a whole interview, and he made it sound like I would most likely be getting the job after he gets my background check back?? I am really trying not to get ahead of myself. If there's one thing I've learned from this job hunt is that I definitely CAN NOT do things on my own, like I try to do in my own sinful pride. When I turn it over to God he takes care of it however is his will for me. So now I am just praying for favor in this situation and that things work out!! It is out of my hands.
Learning to rest in honest trust that God will provide all that we need, is a lesson that I feel like I've re-learned so many times in the past--only to somehow get back to the same place of trying to rely on my own strength, trying to keep things in my own little hands rather than giving them to the one who has his hand on this entire world. It's disconcerting to realize that this has once again happened lately...I know it's because I have let the busy-ness of life get in the way of the important things. I heard someone say this once--if satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy. And it's so true. The never-ending buzz of busy days is the dumbest--and easiest--way to pull us away from the close and amazing constant fellowship with God.
It's super humbling to realize this and to admit it on such a public place. But I'm human and I am so, so imperfect. So, although it's not the ideal place I'd like to be in, it's also not a surprise, not to me and not to Christ; he knows how much I suck on my own, and that's why he chose to save me. But even through my times of selfish pride, God's love for me never wavers. His faithfulness to me never wavers, even when mine does.
...that's awesome.
Anyways, lately I have been just trying to slow down. Get so much more intentional in relying on God instead of trying to take care of things myself. And it's funny that the day right after I repented to God about this, and asked him to change my heart and use me how He wants here...I walked into a store on a whim (with no hiring-sign in the window or anything) and happened into a good 2 to 3 hours of interviewing and working out possible scheduling. Whether I end up getting the job or not, I don't believe that was a coincidence...
God is good, always. He provides!
And here's a freaking cute picture of Sheba for good measure :)
